My Computer: TAME THE BEAST!
Rule No.1 Expect the Unexpected
When you first bought your Beast home you were blissfully unaware of the dangers that lay ahead. This marvel of technology (otherwise known as 'Computer') was meant to be the miracle that would change your whole life for the BETTER… Oops!
If you are asking yourself why you even thought of investing money in a mechanical Beast that would take over your life, confuse and confound, cause high levels of stress, cost hours of wasted time and buckets of money; then read on to feel at least that you are not alone and find out what can be done about it.
Take a moment now and remember what your beloved friends, family and the smiling salesman excitedly told you when you asked about having a computer. Oh yes… 'you can email your friends, make your own birthday cards, shop online, do your banking online, trace your family history, no more paperwork, doing your books is a breeze, join Facebook and find long lost school buddies, talk to them across the world for free, read the news and get your daily horoscope every morning, get a new job, your business will double in profits overnight etc etc etc and… its all done with just a couple of clicks of your mouse!'
Rule No. 2: Don't Rely on Others to Protect You
I am here to warn you that the next time you ask a friend, or heaven forbid the kids, how to do something on your beast and they answer you with a sentence that starts with 'its just a…', RUN! This is a moment in your life you will never get back; a moment that will take away what semblance of self respect you had for your own intelligence and ability. This is what The Beast wants.
Cast your mind back (if you still have the strength) to that fateful day when you first had The Beast safely installed on your cosy 'office nook' you lovingly prepared for it to live. Was that the last, 'I am master of my destiny' moment that you have felt since?
Rule No.3: Know Thy Enemy
Take a long look at your particular Beast. Are your stress levels rising? Do you ask yourself am I actually turning it on right? Will I break it if I press the wrong key? Have I inadvertently given it a Virus because I am completely unprotected...or am I? You proudly understand a technological term and that is 'booting' it but no matter how much you want to actually do that, something in the back of your now frizzled brain tells you that's not exactly what they meant. Quietly you reflect on all the stuff you bought and have no idea what to do with it. You bought it because the salesman told you, 'you just HAD TO HAVE IT!' and now you wonder if you will ever really know what it actually was, if it is working and what it actually does!
So you find yourself out there on your own and you decide to take matters in hand and go out to buy the 'manual'. A few chapters in you can't make sense of any of it because they are talking about a 'PC' and you own a Computer! This tactic is quickly abandoned and you now feel dumber than the dummies.
Rule No. 4: If Its Too Good To Be True… It Is
Not to be deterred, you take the plunge into the icy and turbulent waters that is known as 'Surfing the Net'. Again you are at the mercy of ruthless sales people who know you are at all at sea and drowning in a whirlpool of technological language and terminology that you need a degree to understand.
This is their weapon.
For them its easy to throw you a lifeline, a rescue boat and a pair of floaties. You sign your life away to a wonderful plan that is half price for the first 6 months! Fabulous deal! (in amongst the technical jargon of mega gigas and killer somethings!) What happens next is pure luck really.
Its six months later…you have managed to recover from the installation of a myriad of new wires, cords and boxes that blink with little antennas. You have given up trying to remember the 50 passwords and names of the 5 technicians it took to make them work …oh and the huge chunk missing out of your bank account to boot (there's that word again). You may have managed to get onto the internet by now and if luck was on your side, you have an email account (which has yet another password that is illegibly scribbled on a scrap of paper or on the back of your first contract) and BAM out of the blue you receive your internet bill and its astronomical!
Rule No.5: Learn Swahili
Why does the bill never match the agreement? So you ring your internet provider looking futilely for someone called 'Customer Service.' Finally after hours on hold you find that 'Customer Service' does speak English, but not a brand that you understand particularly well. What you do finally understand is that you are locked into a binding contract for 2 yrs at double the price of what you had for the last 6 months and suddenly you wished you had known what a giga-bigga-byte meant.
Now the lights go out in your Beast's beady eyes and you find an IT 'expert' to fix it and tell you what you did wrong. Unfortunately they all speak very fast and have a degree in Swahili (which the kids are now being taught in Kindergarten) and you feel even more inadequate and lost.
Rule No. 6: There is NO Safety in Numbers
It is now time for an Adult Learning computer course. You turn up nervous, feeling like a little kid but excited to learn about taming your Beast once and for all. If you haven't already tried this, I can tell you that you will find yourself amongst 30 other people who are all speed typists. You will be given yet another manual full of confusing black and white text and graphics. You will be told that 'this is a self paced learning course', where is the teacher?! Despondently you will spend hours wading through it to find that one little thing you really needed to know yesterday! No wonder you are so frustrated!
Rule No.7: Form Alliances
How did I know your inner most feelings and experiences? No, I am not psychic I am 'bretheren'. Believe it or not, I have 'been there and done that' for many years…
I began my entrepreneurial career as a small business Marketing Consultant, but soon discovered that small businesses were suffering from lack of computer skills and basic computer knowledge which was hampering their growth, internal efficiency and costing them precious time and money
Over that time I began to write myself Step-By-Step Guides to all the things I taught myself to do, so I could share the knowledge with my beleaguered clients. Then one fateful day my computer crashed, my modem fried and I called in the Swahili speaking technicians to save all my hard work and expensive equipment. In my efforts to understand what was happening they discovered my talent for translation and analogy and so we teamed up to provide people with the full package.
Now Kim-Denyse's Simply Computers Training & Services has become its own business with an ever- growing company of ardent fans (students). These are people just like you, smart intelligent and thoroughly confounded, looking for someone that will speak to them with empathy and understanding, translate the lingo in practical terms (without being patronizing), who want to benefit from my experiences, research back up and support and unique insight into what they need.
Rule No. 8: Choose a Plan of Action
Now you have choices that will suit you…
You can attend the Simply Computer 'Beginners, The Lost and Confounded Courses' (BLC), that are specifically designed to answer all your questions on the essentials you need to operate your computer with confidence. There are only ever 6 students in a class, and the rule is that the laughter is with you, not at you
You can purchase (by download on-line or disc), the My Computer Tutor
'Step-By-Step Guides and Manuals' in full vibrant colour, with screen shots and point form instructions - print only the lessons you need and build your own manual
You also have a choice of having My Computer Tutor Tuition in the comfort of your own home or
Simply Computer On-Site Training in your business, so the lessons are tailor made to suit your needs
Subscribe to the Simply Computers Back Up and Support Network where you will receive Remote Assistance when you are in urgent need, access to up to date information on new technologies, ask any question you like and receive a logical answer within 12 hours, custom designed Step-By-Step Guides, discounts on peripherals and equipment, and a lot more for a very small monthly or yearly fee
Whether you are a home user, business owner, an entrepreneur, a club or an agency, Kim-Denyse's Simply Computer Training & Services will get you back on track and help you to achieve the confidence and freedom when working with your technology that you need to save you precious time, money and frustration.
Before you frisbee your laptop or boot your tower out of the highest window, take a deep breath and contact me.
IT's easy when you know how… I'll show you
Warm regards,
Kim-Denyse D.BUS.M.D
1. Hardware is any part of your computer that has a physical structure, e.g. the computer monitor or keyboard 
HINT: to prove if the problem is software related ...
